I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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