He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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