i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
