i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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