And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
