That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
