Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
