how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
