so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
