she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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