just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dignity is for republicans.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
