Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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