He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
