my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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