Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
