everyone is single if you try hard enough
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
