good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
