I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
