i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
