This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
