U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
