i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my poor anus
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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