My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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