the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
