pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
