worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
