i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
