I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
