i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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