One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
