Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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