i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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