Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
