i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
