how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
