So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
