OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
