PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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