I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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