ugly people sure do ruin things
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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