I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
