The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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