At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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