i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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