I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
