yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
