I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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