I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
