dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
