i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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