does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
