I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You smell like stripper and shame
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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