what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
