I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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