my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
