ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
as a side note pls kill me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
