I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
