i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
