Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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