I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
